Friday, March 12, 2004

Dissection of Alternative Film Festival offerings:

"The frame is divided into three vertical sections which were exposed at different speeds"
The first thing you should do, when reading a description like this, is search frantically for the running time. If that running time exceeds 45 seconds, the next thing you should do is stab out your eyes so you have a bulletproof excuse when your girlfriend, who must have directed this film because oh my god why else are you even contemplating attending its screening, asks you to hold her hand at the premiere. "Sorry, I gots no eyes," might get you a free pass. Unfortunately, it's not going to be enough to get you out of attending one of her spoken-word "soundscape" performances on a Saturday afternoon at the Bowery Club. Think: Q-Tip accident.

Thanks to Todd Levin.