Jonathan Ames: What I Read - Entertainment - The Atlantic Wire

Jonathan Ames: What I Read - Entertainment - The Atlantic Wire:

When I head out for coffee and breakfast, I get a newspaper. By morning, I mean 11 a.m. or noon. On Mondays and Tuesdays, I get The New York Times because on those days I can do the crossword. On Wednesday's my I.Q. hits a wall puzzle-wise, but sometimes I pick up The Times anyway to see if I'm making progress -- I've been doing crosswords for two years now to prevent early Alzheimers and to waste time -- and sometimes I can actually finish a Wednesday puzzle, but mostly I can't and it's like scoring poorly all over again on the SAT's, and I regret the two dollars I spent on the paper.

So, for the most part, from Wednesday to Sunday, I buy either the New York Post or the Daily News. My preference is for the fictions of the Post to the fictions of the News, but sometimes the Post is sold out. Some days, depending on my level of non-achievement, I will read the fabulations and distortions of all three papers (morning, middle of the day, late at night), not really absorbing anything, but, primarily, scanning different accounts of the same sporting events and looking at pretty girls in the gossip pages.