Thursday, December 06, 2001

I love companies, and their craaaaaazy wacky schemes to conquer the world. Over at KPMG, some company I never cared about, they've suddenly implemented a bizarre policy of forbidding linking to documents within their website, like this one where KPMG is asserting their dubious right to approve who links to them. They've been sending legal letters, attack dogs, the whole nine yards.

Wired's coverage is pretty good, and contains the killer detail that attracted my attention this is all happening because KPMG doesn't like people mocking their theme song.

Theme song? Yes, KPMG, an internet consulting firm, has a theme song. You are probably thinking, "Theme song? Why the hell would a consulting company have a theme song?" Well you see, that's because you are not insane, as the people at KPMG most assuredly are. They comissioned an anthem entitled VISION OF GLOBAL STRATEGY. Freakish Soviet-era lyrics include:

"KPMG/We're strong as can be
A dream of power and energy
We go for the goal
Together we hold
On to our vision of global strategy..."

As if it isn't enough of a crime against humanity to be writing and promoting this shitty music, there are actual lawyers being paid hundreds of dollards an hour to send letters and threaten action, all to keep a *theme song* under wraps.

Get on the clue train, kids--if you'd like to keep the song unlinked and private, TAKE IT OFF YOUR WEBSITE. Put it on the company intranet so that all the consultants and boogey-down to the smooth, soulful sounds of your funkalicious VISION OF GLOBAL STRATEGY. You morons. I hope the people who want you to advise them on "robust internet strategies" have noticed this brou-ha-ha and have run screaming away from your firm.

And here: I guess we can add me to the list of people who will be expecting legal action from these talentless ass clowns.

Listen to KPMG's fucked-up Soviet-style mind-destroying theme song that I can't stop humming until I want to drive a screwdriver through my head.